Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
