drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
