Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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