I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
