I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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