Hey man sorry I got all grabby
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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