So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
3 2 1 whiskey
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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