I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
