I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Buhtt sex?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
