He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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