Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Randomize