We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
