Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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