it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
