The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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