I think i peed on brittanys purse
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
