This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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