wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
