you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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