I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
