Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
