I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
