I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
