That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
he fucked my hip out of place.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
