It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm passing your future prison.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
