I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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