you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
