Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
