If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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