Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
