Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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