Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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