I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
