He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
