She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
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