Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
