Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
