i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
