dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize