xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
