there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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