he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
