she woke up with a sticky ear
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
