just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
