i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
