what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
