3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
