there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
