omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
