Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
