the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
