so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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