I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
