it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
