I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
