Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We left the knife in your bed.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
