yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
