then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
