Can Purell be used as lube?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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