Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
