I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So many bounce houses so little time
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
