He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
