We're like a lot better than the average bears
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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