So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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