is your mom at the bar?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
