so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I believe in your delicious
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
