Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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