Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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