You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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