He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Blood and glitter go together right?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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