I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
