This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
