I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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