Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I think I am morally bankrupt
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Randomize
