Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
